Linda has been to multiple missions conferences and gone on several short term trips, but still, she’s felt like her life was just so exceedingly ordinary. What might God be calling her to? Does he have something more?
I am a CIA (Chinese Indonesian American). Born and raised in Indonesia, I went to college and now work in the US. Growing up in a non-Christian family, I encountered Christianity through attending a Christian School. The things I learned in school and at home about God were mostly contradictory. I longed for the true God but got confused. You see, my heart longed to worship, but who should I worship? I remember praying at my great-grandmother’s grave,”I am not sure if you are ‘the God’, I just want to claim that I am currently praying to the one true God, whoever You might be. You have to help me.”
Fast forward some years later, my prayer was answered; I accepted Christ when I came to the US. I was so fired up in response to His grace, I took any church volunteer post offered. I was energized, then, burnt out. Energized, then, a bit more burnt out. After going through that cycle, I started to focus and listen to God. I went to WCC and other missions conferences, and I began to feel in my heart that there must be something more.
I told myself that WCC 2013 would be my last. I’d attended so many missions conferences and been on so many short term trips, but, here I was, still, in the bay area running my ordinary life. Don’t get me wrong; I know that everyone’s calling is different and unique. It can be right where we are, or maybe somewhere else. But, how could I know for sure?
I “happened” to stop at a ministry booth. I talked to someone about a position working in a foreign country. I’d have the opportunity to learn the language and live there, and I might get the chance to share about the Gospel. I asked many questions; it seemed interesting because I’d served in a similar position for many years. But when I left the conversation, I just pushed the thought aside.
A while later, I heard a missionary speak about going. What he said kept ringing in my head:”It’s not about our abilities. It’s not about what we can or cannot do. It’s about taking the first step and seeing how God will lead.” My thoughts turned toward the conversation I’d had at the ministry booth. Should I apply or not? I applied.
Now, during this time of waiting, I keep going back and forth between wanting to go and wanting to stay. I’m afraid of being rejected and disappointed. But at the same time, I’m afraid of being accepted. The thought of leaving my comfort zone scares me.
I don’t know what the outcome will be. When it’s time to make the decision, I guess I will know then. But for now, I have taken the first step and will take that second step prayerfully. The facts is I am a daughter of our King no matter what I do.
I am thankful for the WCF community who has made it possible for me to walk this journey. As for not attending WCC anymore, it’s not a firm decision. If I am still here, you might see me around =p
God bless you all!
Photo by Megan Mark